Could it be any Harder?
by Lyn Black
Summary: Songfic about Buffy getting over Angel. Song owned by The Calling.


D/C: I don't own 'em! Don't make me repeat it! "Could It Be Any Harder" is a song by The Calling, and although I wish I did, I don't own 'em.  
  
  
  
A/N: Just so ya know, this was a challenge from Jessica Black to me (we know each other for real, and she may be coming out with something very soon...). Just hope you don't mind that it's a songfic! (The challenge was for me to write a Buffy/Angel, when she clearly knows I'm all about Buffy/Spike. Now it's your turn to keep up your end of the bargain, Jess!)  
  
  
  
/You left me with goodbye and open arms  
  
A cut so deep I don't deserve  
  
You were always invincible in my eyes  
  
the only thing against us now is time/  
  
Angel stood across the road, staring at me for just a minute. I started to walk over to him, just so we could talk it over, but he turned and walked away from the crowd of people emerging from all around town.  
  
Later that night I sat in my room, crying myself to sleep.  
  
"Why...?" was all I could say before I broke down in tears on my bed.  
  
  
  
/Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,  
  
Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true  
  
If I only had one more day/  
  
  
  
I couldn't sleep that night. The sight of seeing Angel turn around and go was too much to bear. I'd wake up every few hours from dreaming about him, and crying myself to sleep afterwards.  
  
"He didn't even say goodbye..." I cried into my pillow, the tears from my black mascara, trickling down and staining the bright white pillowcase.  
  
I just kept thinking that if we had one more chance, one more day, that it might have worked out.  
  
/I lie down and blind myself with laughter  
  
A quick fix of hope is what I'm needin'  
  
And how I wish that I could turn back the hours  
  
But I know I just don't have the power/  
  
Willow and I were on the front porch, drinking iced tea and (trying to) enjoy the sunshine before I had to slay tonight. The sunset in the distance tinted the golden sky with a bloody spread of peaceful light.  
  
"I don't know if I could handle it, Will. I mean, I've never really felt this way before, and even thinking about what we did yesterday, makes me cry," I said, sniffling.  
  
"It's okay, I'll go with you and we can... have a girls night out. And while we're waiting for the vamps to come out, you can... tell me everything you hate about him, okay?" she consoled.  
  
I laughed and thought about the time we had spent together, tears spilling down my eyes.  
  
"I just wish I could go back and figure out what went wrong with us," I said, catching the smearing mascara with a Kleenex.  
  
/ (chorus)  
  
I'd jump at the chance  
  
We'd drink and we'd dance  
  
and I'd listen close to your every word,  
  
As if it's your last, I know it's your last,  
  
'Cause today, oh, you're gone/  
  
FLASHBACK: THE BRONZE  
  
Angel sat down with two Cokes and handed one of them to me. I took it from him and took a sip. Just then, I heard the band start into a song I really liked.  
  
"Come on!" I prodded, until he'd let me drag him onto the dance floor. We danced the rest of the night.  
  
"I wish it could stay like this forever," Angel contemplated, letting me rest my head on his shoulder.  
  
"I think I love you, Buff," he whispered into my ear as we floated across the dance floor.  
  
END FLASHBACK  
  
/ (chorus)  
  
Like sand on my feet,  
  
The smell of sweet perfume  
  
You stick to me forever, baby  
  
and I wish you didn't go,  
  
I wish you didn't go away  
  
To touch you again, with life in your hands,  
  
It couldn't be any harder... harder... harder/  
  
Three weeks later I was sitting in my room, writing in a journal about how I felt.  
  
"I just can't forget anything about him: the way he smelled like soft leather; his skin, rugged with emotion. I'd do anything just to feel him again, but I know in my heart, that he left for the right reasons. I think I'll be just fine."  
  
  
  
A/N: As for my description of Angel in Buffy's journal entry, I thought you should know that I have really got no clue how to describe him, but I thought that it described him okay. 


End file.
